Federalism Humor

CSF welcomes submissions of federalism humor to csf@federalism.org.  Appropriate submissions will be posted here.


Federalism and the Zombie Apocalypse

In “Zombie Federalism,” William Baude asks: Are zombies “persons” according to the Constitution? He then answers: The Constitution does not resolve the question of zombie personhood, so we should leave that question to state law.

Michael Smith counters in his “Response to William Baude” that “Leaving states to define whether zombies are persons would lead to uneven legal treatment of the undead, which could undermine the uniform prosecution of these zombies under the federal criminal law.”

In “Zombie Federalism and Moral Disagreement,” Baude counter responds: Are all zombies bad?  Do the experts at the presidential, congressional or supreme court level really know the proper response to zombies?  “Surely the federal government needs and has the power to manage spillovers, but that does not automatically imply a top-down answer to the hard fundamental questions.”


The United Nations sponsored as essay contest about elephants. The American entry was entitled “How to Get Rich Raising Elephants.” The British entry was called “The Elephant: Magnificent Beast of the Empire.” The French entry was entitled “The Love Life of Elephants.” The Italian entry was named “Elephant Parmigiana.” The Canadian entry was entitled “The Elephant: A Federal or Provincial Responsibility?”  (Contributed by John Kincaid, Lafayette College, Easton, PA, USA)


Three children were playing in a United Nations playground. ”Where,” they were asked, “do babies come from?” The American child readily responded, “They come from storks.” “No,” replied the child from Germany, “babies come after momma and papa go oom-pah, oom-pah.” The child from Switzerland said matter-of-factly, “It’s different in each canton.”  (Contributed by John Kincaid, Lafayette College, Easton, PA, USA)


There are two ways to empty a room in Washington: hold a fund-raiser for a defeated candidate or a debate on federalism.

The fastest way to clear out a room is not to shout “Fire” but cry “Federalism!”
(Source: Charles S. Robb, former Republican Governor and U.S. Senator from Virginia, USA)


“I have a joke about state government but its already preempted by federal law.”


“Taxes”  composed and performed by Andrew Jonutz


States of Humor

Which state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota.


What did Tennessee? The same thing as Arkansas.


I bought a New Jersey to visit my old Kentucky home.


Iowa lot of Texas to the IRS.



I like Arizona tea with a California roll when I listen to Alabama sing Mississippi Queen.


I’m just a Connecticut Yankee who wants to make a Louisiana Purchase.


 Georgia peaches give me a Colorado high.


Utah is the Oregon of the Idaho potato.



The Maine problem with jokes like these is that they put me in a state of Missouri.


What did Delaware? She wore her brand New Jersey.